so well loved, or keeping up with the

I’m not sure how to explain how it feels to be so well loved. . .

I think it has something to do with the Kardashians, and what they have to tell us about family, about belonging, and the power of goddess love. 

My oldest Kathleen, loves the Kardashians, and she says that for her they fill the void she feels when she misses her family, the Crawfordians. At first, I was skeptical, I mostly don’t care for television, or pop culture, and when I watched the show, I didn’t see how this family reminded my daughter of our family, except, for the obvious, that there were three sisters (if you don’t count the younger ones), who love each other, and their mom.  

But today it got me thinking about what these women are about, and what they are about is family and togetherness. They are what some family therapists might call enmeshed, and their connectedness and strength might scare many males off; all these women, caring so much about each other. Wanting to be together, work together, play together, shop together. What’s up with all this togetherness, when we should all be out there differentiating, making money and ruling the world. Hey I guess these women are doing it all. They are making money, and ruling their world, and being together, too. They are doing it, but differently. While a man might say, “Hey, I’m off to work, don’t bother me,” they are saying, “Hey, I’m off to work, come on along, we’ll do it together and have fun.” 

Differentiation, even when I look it up, seems like a weird family therapy construct to me, it’s something like having different feelings and thoughts from your family. It’s supposed to be a sign that you are thinking for yourself (perhaps?). But if you look at many big names in family therapy, they are not differentiated from things like their faith, their beliefs in the hierarchical nature of relationships, and/or patriarchy. Many pride themselves on thinking just like the Pope. So, then, who’s thoughts are these, and why is it so important to not think like others? Which others? Is this possible? 

I think it is kind of fun to think like others, and to share feelings, mine and others. That is the thing with families that are close, you have similar thoughts and feelings. Isn’t that what makes some families so awkward, you have to avoid some people because you don’t think and feel the same way about things? You have to avoid those conversations that are uncomfortable. I’m not talking about not having space to disagree, for that happens in my family, but when we do, the space around our disagreeing is filled with curiosity and love, not shame and judgement. 

On this Pride weekend, I feel good seeing so many folks with their VOTE NO t-shirts and signs. I feel strong in solidarity that there are others who want all families to be able to be legal families. I get tired of differentiation, of making sets of rules about families and relationships. Sometimes, like Kathleen, I just want to be with my family. Lately, more and more, I just want to be with my family, that seems like the greatest thing I could be doing. I am so blessed to be so well loved.  Love to Kathleen and the Kardashians and all families, even ones that embrace male hierarchy (however that’s working for you).