Love All Of You

sometimes even when I think I’m being my most authentic self
I find I have lost parts of myself again
sort of dropped unceremoniously
by the side of the road
when I felt
like that part of
me
just wouldn’t
fit
into the new role
the new friend’s concept
the profession’s image
and I find myself
uncomfortably
on the stage
performing
for an
unsympathetic
crowd
until
the Greek chorus
goes from pianissimo
to forte and
drowns out
everything else
and tells
me
go back
find your pieces
love of all you
carry on
love all of you
the hard times
the vulnerable you
the things you still
struggle to understand
about yourself
and everyone else
take off your make up
let down your hair
listen to the music
of your life
all the notes
are necessary
are precious
are worthy
go on
love all of you

good girls

I was taught that to want
was to bring about the curse
that was to mean you
would not receive

the only way to get what you
wanted
was to wait
for it to be gifted or given

as if from heaven
as if it were meant to
be

as if our hopes our wants our dreams
are meaningless
embarrassing
to be locked away

as if our wills and imaginations
are pointless
and useless
and our brains

only good for remembering
birthdays
and recipes
what his favorite dish or color is

I am unlearning as fast as I can
unleashing my imagination
my mind
my will

to take me to all the things I’ve ever wanted
and nobody else could give me

Little Buckaroos

i am powerful
vulnerable
ready to cry
at the drop of a hat
no one ever said
buck up little buckaroo
so I didn’t learn how
and now
to try
to teach myself
in the midst of the storm
is taking so much
out of me
and my children
cry out
save me
save me
and I can barely hear
their voices
from the sound
of the wind
in my ears
coldly
boldly
i must
say
save yourselves
buck up
little
buckaroos

Circles

thinking back through 2011 I came upon jewels on the road

sparkling living things that brightened my life

unexpected but needed

finding Prince’s version of the Joni Mitchell song

a case of you

a most lovely song

and when Prince sings it

the stars shine brighter for me

and I feel their warmth in my heart

like a circle

not a straight line

Joni writes this amazing song

Prince finds it and circles it round

which circles round to me thinking

I have this weird connection to Prince

since my ex left me over and over again for him

when he toured the world with Prince

making music making smoke

on stage

as special effects technician

I was young I guess

and maybe didn’t know what love was

but I don’t hold it against us