Pssst, Hey kid, wanna piece of pizza?

We have B.F. Skinner to thank for a lot of the ways our kids are socialized in school. B.F. Skinner had more than a couple of ideas, but these are two of them that we see in schools today:

A behavior followed by a reinforcing stimulus results in an increased probability of that behavior occurring in the future, and

positive reinforcement is more effective at changing and establishing behavior than punishment.

At first glance, neither of these seem too remarkable, and I think that most people would think that positive reinforcement is better than punishment, but I wonder, what do these things tell us about our beliefs both about people and the world? And are these statements always true? True enough? True over time, and were there other things influencing the outcome that were not factored in? Things always occur in context. Aways.

In 2nd grade, my daughter Erin came home one day after school and said, “Mom, they gave me this stupid coupon for free pizza at Pizza Hut.” I was like, “Hey Erin, that’s not stupid, look, you can get a free pizza.” She looked at me both puzzled and disgusted, “But they gave it to me for reading!” I must have still looked lost, “Mom, I love reading! I read because I love to read, I don’t want a stupid pizza for reading. I don’t even like Pizza Hut pizza.”

Finally, I got it. They were trying to take away her love of reading, for a lousy piece of pizza. She got it before I did, but I got it. Wow! My daughter realized, in 2nd grade, how amazing and wonderful it was to read, and that this was important enough to her to guard and protect it. And I barely got it. What was going on?

So, the next day, I went to the teacher after school. I ask her, “Please don’t give Erin pizza coupons, or anything else, as a reward for reading anymore.” The teacher too, was puzzled. I explained to her that Erin loved to read and that we didn’t want to mess with that. That this was something intrinsic that was precious and good. The teacher finally ‘got it’ and suggested that Erin be moved to the school in town for ‘gifted’ children. It seemed self awareness translated to gifted.

It was a few years later, in trying to understand this more fully, that I read Alfie Kohn’s book, Punished by Rewards. In this book, he says that intrinsic motivation is the most powerful motivation that we have, and that when you try (or succeed) to replace internal motivation for external motivation you have truly done a person a disservice, for once you have done this, it is very hard to get that intrinsic motivation back.

What does this mean in our current culture? What ramifications does this have on happiness? I do believe that motivation is tied to happiness. What if I hadn’t ‘got it’? What if I never realized that in trying to motivate school children, our systems might be taking away one of the most important pieces a child needs to see them through life? Was I supposed to believe that Pizza Hut cared about my kid reading, or did they care about all the pizza they sold when a family came in with a coupon for 1 slice free?

The analogy of a compass comes to mind. We send our children off into the world with their own internal compass that shows them their own way, but if we try to re-set this compass, then what? How many compasses get broken in the process of socializing or educating our children? I’m just wondering....

I’m glad that Erin recognized her own compass, her own way. She still loves reading, and she eats pizza when she’s hungry, not as a reward.