Very Small Vacation

It’s been a while since I’ve felt like writing. I’ve been out of classes now for months, and I’ve been putting my energy into building my practice and actually taking care of myself. I do still have the ‘aha’ thoughts, that make me think I should write about that thought, but then I’m lost in the upswing of everything else that is my life. Like still being the mom to three beautiful women, and the Bubbe to three beautiful grandchildren, and feeling fortunate that I live near them all. 

But right now, it is 6:28 am, and it is a beautifully still and quiet morning considering that I live right in the city, considering that my neighborhood continues to become more and more noisy and congested all the time. I am almost pulled into a trance, where I want to just listen to the birds, listen to the random car driving on the usually busy avenue, listen for the nearly autumn breeze that is stirring, just around the corner. 

Today, I am driving up North with Kathleen and Max, and Megan. We are going to visit my sister-in-law for an overnight, and we’re going horseback riding today. I am both psyched and a little scared, and I’m trying to ignore the scared part. At first, I was like, “Hey sure, you all can ride horse, and I’ll stay by the lake and read a book.” And then I was like, (to myself), “Really, you are going to be that person?” That person, meaning, the person who doesn’t get out there and join in, and do the fun things that they secretly pine about not being able to do. (Or outwardly whine about not being able to do.) 

So, no, I’m not going to be that person. I’m going to go down into my basement soon, and look for some boots, suitable for riding, and I’m going to sit my ass on a horse, and I’m going to have fun, even if I am a little scared, nervous, excited, because I can feel all those things and not let them stop me from having fun with my family. But first, I’m going to go down the block to the new donut shop and buy donuts for breakfast, because we are on a very small, starting right now, vacation.