dreaming of Paris

times i think that life has passed me by
surely, this couldn’t be it
surely, this isn’t all there is
this is not
not
where i dreamed i’d be
at 10
or 15 when i was sure i’d live in Paris
the whole rest of my life

when i go to the doctor
last week
and i’m told it’s arthritis
surely, surely, these are not my hands
how will i write
make jewelry
make a sure grip
on life

at very bad times
i blame my ex
he never loved me
and stole my youth
and sealed my fate
in Owatonna
with three baby girls
how would i move to Paris now?

most times
i blame no one
how could i have known how
to move the four of us to Paris
with just an english degree
a small bit of french
and an imagination
the size of a
pea