Happy New Space

Today I move into my new office space for my therapy practice. I’m excited and a bit scared, as I dare admit it. It’s stepping into my dream and vision, which always seems like a wonderful hard step to take. It’s incredible that we have the power within us to create and live within our vision, shaping our lives. There was a time in my life when this process seemed much less tangible, something I believed possible, but was not sure how it worked. There were so many systems that I was familiar with that seemed to be part of how things worked, like school, the system that most of us are most familiar with, and it was this system, that then led us into the work system that we were to navigate to make our dreams come true.

But there was another system at work also, that I as a girl was not overtly warned about, the patriarchal system, that permeated all the other systems. This was the system that subtly said, “You are not as valuable as boys.” This system showed me that I had to cater to men, to play nice and be pretty and this too, would ensure my success. There was also a religious system that had it’s own rules and agenda, and this system too, more overtly, taught me that I was not as valuable as men. This was why, when I was married, I somehow had more value, because if I was not a man, at least I had a man.

Is it any wonder that single moms have it so hard? Also as part of this religious system, I believed that I could only get the things in life that I wanted if God wanted these for me also, so there was always a sort of “God willing” tacked on to it. Now, this seems a bit unfair to me, like thinking, why do I always have to have permission from someone to have what I want? And so if you were a woman, it usually was a male someone, from whom this permission would come. So, I will say it out loud, I’m done asking permission, and I’m ok with wanting what I want, and that being a good enough reason to have it.

I’ve found that in order to find a place for myself, I have to know the systems, and what they can do for me, but I also have to hold onto myself, know what I want and use the systems to get what I want. I can’t get stuck in the values of the systems, but move through them fluidly, able to see the past being played out in the present, and still hold onto my vision for the future. As I move through these systems, I hope to challenge the untruths, yet not become embittered by them. Systems can be a scaffold into your vision. They can also be a trap.

While I navigated these systems, I found I really wasn’t very fond of systems at all, and wanted to play around in life without hierarchy and so many rules. There are some places where you can do this, most obviously, the arts. Going to work with my ex, and working a couple of calls myself as a stagehand, proved the existence of a world where work can be play. There are other places in the world where this is possible, and I’ve been visioning this for a while now. A place where I can go to work and love what I do and the people I work with.

A place that will be filled with good energy, much like I’ve tried to do with my home. A place that evidences what is possible. A place where all people are valued, where dreams are cherished, and hard and hurtful truths can be explored with the backdrop of safety. A place to play and to heal and to grow. For now, this new space is where I am supposed to be.

Welcome to my space, and welcome now, as the new year begins, not to just new days, but to new space. Imagine it with me, a wide open canvas onto which you can paint your dreams. Pick your colors, pick the people you choose to love and spend time with. Choose how you see life, choose how you show your emotions, or how to keep yourself safe. Choose your own systems, base them on what feels right in your heart, and trust this. Don’t make either or choices, make choices that randomly mix things, conjure up your own sorcery, your own magic, this is your year, your life, your wide open space. If you regret anything, believe it can be redeemed.