when faith falls apart

yesterday

a friend lent me her cherished copy of

Marianne Williamson’s book

and today when I tried to read it

it hurt so bad

like Anne Lamott

like all good women

she finds faith

i lost mine

perhaps i didn’t lose it so much as it fell apart

a carefully crafted house

i hobbled together with the shaky glue of not knowing

much about life

i lived inside of

where there was a verse

for every adversity

for every joy

and minute of life

except when there was not

a place to go on sunday morning

sunday evening

or even wednesday night

a place where everyone knows your name

until your name or place changes

until you doubt

and you become suspect

an other

the ones they pray for

and lament about

and now I am out

out of faith

out of sync

out of luck

sitting duck

sit

meditate

create

compassion

for self

and others