Wake Up In Your Dream

Driving west towards crosstown 62 there is a billboard, for a college I think, that says, “One day you will wake up in your dream.” This catches my eye, catches my mind, and then I’m entering onto 62 and I have to pay attention to traffic. Isn’t that the way it is, you want to mull over something good, something rich, something that you think is on the edge of brilliance, and then, you must pay attention to traffic, it’s a staying alive kinda thing.

So this morning, when I want to post something rich, something good, something to fit into the holiday season and be intentional, I am distracted by traffic. The traffic of my morning coffee making, Garrison Keillor is trying to tell me a story again this morning, but I turn a deaf ear, like the husband to the wife of an old married couple. He’d say, “You never listen to me.” And I’d say, “Garrison, I do listen to you sometimes, but today, today, I’m trying to ignore you and traffic and figure out why I haven’t awoken in my dream yet.”

Perhaps I have, and this is the unnerving thought, if this is my dream life, why does it feel like ordinary life? Why do dreams always have a glittery sheen, while real life is matte? Maybe it depends on your dreams. My dreams used to be simple, a house, a husband, warm clothes for my kids. That dream came partly true, partly untrue and there is no undoing what is done now.

I thought that if I kept my dreams small, the more likely they’d be to come true. That's how I was raised, socialized as a girl; to dream small or risk not only disappointment, but humiliation for having such a big dream to begin with. People might ask things like, “Who do you think you are?” The part they’d leave off, is “...to have such a wonderful life?” Underneath it all was the message that we live small lives, because to risk much is well, just too risky. We accept mediocrity for fear of failure, not realizing that mediocrity is a form of failure, masked in giving in.

Five years ago I had a dream of leaving Owatonna, of moving back home to MInneapolis. I dreamed of being near Lake Calhoun, down the block from where I grew up, and I dreamed of eating well, from bakeries to dinner out, enjoying the glut of food that Owatonna lacks. I dreamed of making new friends and having people in my life that I could feel a kinship with. I woke up this morning in Minneapolis, not far from Lake Calhoun, my babies all grown up, living the life, eating well, having made new friends, only it’s not a dream anymore. The glitter has fallen away, leaving a nice warm matte glow. Maybe one day you will wake up in your life.

Take care of yourself, take care of your loved ones, protect your heart and dream big.