dialogue

I’ve always believed in the power of words, they shape how we see life and even how we feel. As I’m using words more verbally, in my therapy practice, I find it harder to write. I’m wondering if that is just temporary, trying to take in other factors, like maybe I’m just more tired as my practice builds. Or is there a correlation somehow, between having dialogue in our heads, with ourselves, and writing, and having actual spoken dialogue with other people? It makes me wonder about all the factors that go into what we consider being either introverted or extroverted? Is it about the words that we have stored inside us that either move us towards others, or push us inwards? 

I see this with couples, they want closeness, they want intimacy, but not only are the words missing, but also the permission to even talk about their deepest sense of self is often missing. I understand this, growing up in families and systems, that there are so many taboos around what parts of ourselves it’s ok to share, and what parts are not ok to share, that at times we just give in, and are quiet, not sharing anything at all. For me, when I was younger,  I would often just retreat, watch and listen, knowing that there were some rules of interaction that I just never quite ‘got.’ I would have considered myself shy, or more introverted, when in actuality, it was that the words that people were using to connect were not part of my vocabulary. And in our culture, there can be things not accepted in one family, that are perfectly fine in another to talk about,  to be open around. 

I’m still learning and practicing the art of communication, and finding, quite humbly, that even sometimes quite simple things elude me. Being exact about how much time I have to spend with someone. Giving feedback about my preferences. Being present when one or more persons is in the room. Telling someone I need time to myself. Asking someone to lower or soften their voice. Being curious about something. Asking for clarification when I’m uncertain, but don’t want to seem too needy. Even in writing this, it seems like my point is a bit unclear, like the ideas I’m trying to form are not fully gestated. But I think it’s ok, ok to be a little unclear, and still try to make sense, to put to words, to communicate. It’s how we grow.