Arrive

I woke with the sun today, ready to embrace another day and enter into the process of accepting unknowing. Sometimes the days of our lives go by in this beautiful steady rhythm which tells us life is good, life has meaning and the energy we create in this pattern sustains us. Then, we have these moments, where the energy shifts into something else and whether we’ve been creating this consciously, or less than consciously, it grabs our attention. As this energy shifts for me, I realize that I'm really struggling with staying generous. Because this isn't what we're told to do when our income stream changes-- Right? Instead, we are told to tighten our belts. Well, I don’t want to do it this way. I want to stay generous. 

Pema Chodron writes; “The essence of generosity is letting go. Pain is always a sign that we are holding on to something--usually ourselves. When we feel unhappy, when we feel inadequate, we get stingy; we hold on tight. Generosity is an activity that loosens us up.”  (The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times.) I bought this little paperback book years ago, and go to it often. I hope to attain fearlessness one day, but for today, I hope that when I feel fear, I remember to open up, not close in upon myself. This is what we all must do when we’re afraid, let down our guards and embrace ourselves and embrace others. This is the opportunity that this gives us. This is the opportunity I am now sitting with, in gratitude for.  

I have more time than I’ve had in a while now to think, to ask myself; What it is that I want next, that I want now, that I want more of? What do I want to let go of? In realizing how busy I’ve kept myself the last few years, in the striving to fit into an academic place and in the striving to become a licensed therapist, how can I be gentle with myself, in the ways that I practice being gentle with others? The universe is generous beyond all measure, and in letting myself settle into this realization, I can imagine this day being enough. 至