It is the last day of the year, and in my head are visions of couples, toasting the new year, dressed in fancy dress, surrounded by the energy of being together, not alone. Too often, I feel alone, alone in my thoughts, feelings, fears and even at times, alone in my happiness and contentment.
When I was raising my daughters without their dad, and without a partner, I felt poignantly, the aloneness of not having someone to share their wonderful little lives with. Someone who would love them and delight in them the same way I did. Now that they are all adults, we can share our love and delight in and for each other.
Still, this time of year, especially right at the end of the holidays, I am sad and lonely, and I think I realized this morning that the reason for this is that I am missing green. I know that I miss warmth, I miss early morning daylight, and I miss breezes, feeling them on my skin, and hearing the sound of wind through trees, windows, against curtains. But also, I miss green. I miss green trees, green grass, green flower stalks that burst forth with pinks, yellows, crimson.
For a few more months, we will be like Dorothy in Kansas, not Oz. Brown, gray, cold, still, dark. I will hold on waiting for green.
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