Sunday Afternoon in the City

I’m spending my weekend painting when I’d rather be biking or kayaking. Who the hell is to blame for this? As I’m painting, I’m thinking that do it yourself is not how I want to live in a home anymore. It used to be fun, it’s not anymore, and that is alright. I’d rather live with someone else’s painting mistakes than my own. I’d rather not know where the wall is a bit wonky and where paint has dripped. Seriously. As I’m painting, I’m thinking back to helping my mom paint the kitchen, painting room after room in my house in Owatonna and now, wishing for a home that is already done. Really done. All I have to do is move in, complete with a big closet and amazing kitchen. So, I’m ready. 

As I paint, I’m thinking that my birthright has been resentment. Resentment for all those folks who live in finished houses, who take vacations, who know how to enjoy themselves. Really, what better birthright than to not know how to take care of yourself, not know how to have fun, and to be bitter about those who do. So, after un-friending a relative on Facebook who told me “We are the only fuckin family you have, remember that bitch,” I’m leaving my family of origin and my birthright down by the river and walking away. I’ve tried to understand, and make peace on some level, and it just won’t work, so like the bathroom project, I know now what I want and what I don’t want. 

I am picking my own tribe and I’ve already made a fabulous start. I’ve got people who are happy and doing what they want and taking life by storm and living and loving as if there is no tomorrow. Because, in essence there is no tomorrow. There is now, there is today. So, back to the bathroom, which will turn out just fine, whether the woodwork is finished, whether the wall is painted all the way behind the toilet, and whether there are still cracks in the corners where I can’t get the paint to fill in. I’ve got Pandora on Dusty Springfield, and the bathroom will shape up. Megan and I will have completed yet another project, even though she says flat and I say eggshell. You know what, I fuckin love the family I do have. I love that I have a sink and a toilet and I live so close to the lakes it’s a crime I’m not kayaking right now.