The Pernicious Evils of TV and Magazines or

Parents as Gatekeepers

In The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women, the authors talk about mothers as gatekeepers:
So mothers were in a bind- new multiple voices of authority were coming directly into the home, especially through women’s magazines and cable TV. Some of these voices mothers respected, and looked to for guidance, but other voices were suspect and not to be trusted. So there were more demanding gatekeeping functions imposed on mothers. (Douglas, S. & Michaels, M., 2004, p. 277)

The concept of parents as gatekeepers stood out for me, I think it's a good metaphor. Parents not as judges but as protectors, and I saw this not in the way that you don’t want your children corrupted by all the garbage that’s out there, somehow ranting, and taking a stand against the content, but instead, taking a stand to protect the sovereignty of your and your family’s time. Making your gate so strong, that nothing that will steal time from your precious home life will get inside.

So, ahem, a word then, if I may, to mothers and fathers. This is your home, this is your family, if you need someone’s advice or help, seek it out, don’t think it’s going to come to you in a magazine or on cable TV. Part of the process of finding solutions is in the seeking. Part of the solution is making phone calls, talking to people, gathering information. There are good sources of information, and their are poor sources of information, be wise. Not only are you finding (hopefully) some answers, but you are modeling problem-solving to your children.

Take a minute and ask yourself if you really need TV. Think about it, What need is this meeting in your own or in your family’s life? I cancelled cable when my children were school age and I think we’ve had it for one year (a few years ago when we were living in an apartment), since then. Instead of watching TV you can play games, go for walks, read books, read poetry or drama aloud, bake cakes or cookies or muffins, visit neighbors, well the list is endless and you’ll feel a lot better both during and after! You may be the nerd family in the neighborhood, but geez, be willing to stand up for yourself.

So, make your gate too narrow for much TV. We did have a television, and a DVD player, and when we did watch movies or TV on discs it was at our leisure, it was our choice of movie and time. It made us picky about what we would watch and that’s a good thing. Back in the day, it was a field trip of sorts to the grocery store/video store, Cashwise Video. The girls would be perusing the aisles, we’d try to find a movie that we all wanted to watch, and invariably there were negotiations and compromises. The time we spent looking and deciding was time well spent. We took our movie time seriously and we found each moment of our lives to be weighed against the time wasted in front of an unsatisfying TV show.

Magazines, really, do we need magazines? I’m not against them, and I’ve had a few subscriptions in my life, but the articles are pretty short, and often from one person’s point of view, and then there are those magazines like US that are definitely not like ME, that when I look over them in a salon or office, I feel a little creepy afterwards, like did I really want to know about some celebrity’s husband’s problems?

We get stuck in ruts, as people, and as parents. Children rarely get stuck in ruts, they still have this amazing energy inside of them that keeps them moving. They usually like change, but when they don’t get their way, they may whine, and they may cry, but you have to just take them aside and say, “Enough, this is how it is now, we’re going to have lives around here and I mean it.” Seriously, what is it saying if your kid can’t bear the thought of living without Sponge Bob? Time for a pet hamster maybe? Maybe if you cancel cable, you can afford a day trip to a stable and have your children ride a horse. Maybe if you all take a walk before you have kids do homework, they will feel like you’ve given them enough attention and settle down when you come home. Well, maybe....

I really don’t want to be a parenting expert, because I know how much parents will hate me when their kids still whine, kick, break things, and generally mess up, and they will. I know this. I have kids. So, these were just some thoughts, trying to shore up Mothers and Fathers in their general duties as gatekeepers of their own homes.