Risking Your Life

Sometimes in this brave new world of ours, where information is available at the click of a button--I am overwhelmed. I try to tell myself, “You know enough already.” But sometimes, my curiosity keeps pulling me, trying to find answers I already have. I picked up a yellowed, tattered copy of a book I’ve had for years now, called “Risking” by “America’s foremost common-sense psychiatrist” (David Viscott, M.D.) this morning. It was published in 1977. So many things about this book tell me it is old. Who knew psychiatrists used to use common sense instead of pills? The binding of this little paperback is cracked, the cover is stained. 

I bought this book most likely in about 1998? I remember when I read it, I was fascinated by the idea of learning how to risk. Back then, I had no idea that research would soon show that women took risks at a much lower percentage than men did. And because of this, women reap much less rewards. We are still socializing people by genders in different ways; and even though men are no longer really looked at as ‘breadwinners’ anymore, they still make more dough. 

Risking starts out with a quote by Helen Keller: Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. 

This quote, of course, is enough to make a helicopter parent explode, right? My child taking risks, having a daring adventure? But I do believe this is true, and good, and is one antidote on it’s own, to depression. 

As I flipped through the yellowed, somewhat musty smelling pages, I also came across this: When a person tries to control feelings by controlling things, his judgment becomes clouded by his incomplete understanding of his emotions. His feelings remain hidden but still exert a destructive influence on his life, which easily gets out of control.... Such a person tries to apply whatever controls he can, simply to reassure himself that he is not powerless and may persist in a self-destructive course of action even when the results seem opposite to what he claims he wants. Such people dread losing power more than anything else. That is understandable because they seek to control the outside world rather than looking at themselves and dealing with the feelings within (p. 49). 

I think most people believe that they can actually control others, and/or their outside world more than they can control, or even access, their own feelings, and this is the true struggle for most people. How do we regain access to our innermost self, our emotions, our embodied wisdom about who we are and what we want? What we believe limits what we perceive, and what we perceive directs our thoughts and behaviors. 

This means that we must first believe that our feelings have meaning, have value, and that to be able to be connected to our feelings must somehow be a priority. So many people believe that if they access their feelings it will be the undoing of them, when it fact, the opposite is true. But to change our thoughts about our feelings, about our emotions, requires a risk. Once this endeavor however is embarked upon, a whole new world opens up, and the adventure begins. 

I knew there must be a reason I've kept this musty little book. There are some gems inside. 

Good Morning

I slept so deep last night
It was like trying to climb out of a hole to wake up
The daylight stared at me
Glared at my body just lying there

I read a little of Written on the Body
and fell back to sleep again
Only this time half asleep
One ear listening for the drip of the automatic coffeemaker

I worry about my clients sometimes
this is my work now
The one who’s parents disowned her and
she is so alone in the world

The one whose beliefs about himself
are tied up in a religious system
which makes it hard to like anyone
let alone love yourself 

I wander through my mind thinking of ways to help 
I remember to sit and listen with love
open hearted
but still maybe there’s a book that will advance the cause 

Once I drink the coffee all will be better
I will be out of the dark hole of sleep
into the light of day
caffeine telling me go on go on 

Whisper of breeze
the buzz of a motorcycle
the color of the roses on my patio
brown sugar and whole milk in my coffee