Trust & Love

I feel like I need to write an addendum to my last post. To write about my parents, and my family of origin isn’t always easy. I was brought up to hide my emotions, and to hide my parent’s emotions and emotional outbursts. Not too many kids show up at school the next day and say, “Whoa, my dad brought out his belt and whipped the ____out of us.” But this happens, and we hide it. We protect our parents, as kids, and even sometimes as adults. 

But angry, or sad, or helpless feelings states don’t define us. My dad was mostly angry, he was a WWII vet who never had counseling, but he also worked two jobs to support his family, and he was there. There is some research now that says abused kids fare better than neglected kids. Neither are going to facilitate emotional attunement. My mom, as I’d said, was whiney, she didn’t know how (or didn’t know it was possible) to have a strong voice, and I’m sure living with a man who hit her children didn’t help. But she too, never left us, she cooked and clothed 8 kids, no small feat, and has a heart for those in need. 

Our feeling states don’t define who we are as people, we all have our shadow selves, but what our feeling states do, is define how we move through our lives. When my parents retired, their stress lessened and their feeling states were much more positive, they were able to make sense of their own lives and make amends for their behavior as parents. I’ve had to do the same. This is why it is so important to me to be able to learn and share what I’m learning about feeling and expressing emotion. Our emotions are not something to be ignored, they are powerful parts of ourselves, and we need to attune to them. 

There is grace in life, and in and through this grace, we love ourselves and each other. There has never been a doubt in my life of my parent’s love, and knowing that they both did the best they could. I tell my stories out of love, trying to make sense and share what I know.