Free From Fear

As I meditated this morning on the words of becoming free from fear; it became more clear how often I am in fear. Fear of judgement, fear of saying the wrong thing, fear of breaking yet one more unspoken rule in a culture that has currents of hierarchy, patriarchy and a bloody history of racism flowing just below the surface. Fear of loss. Fear of being found less than, less than the personas that we hide behind. We fear we are less, when actually, in our vulnerability, we are always more, much more. 

As a child I felt bewildered at times of having to give respect to those who clearly were not worthy of respect; but because they were older and/or had a title, respect was due. This early training carries over into our work lives, our school lives and every other place we show up where there is rank. We are under the threat to show deference to those who may or may not have our best interests at heart, who may or may not know how to treat people with respect and compassion themselves. I have held on to this bewilderment, and in this, often I find myself teetering on the edge of contempt. I don’t want to hold anyone in contempt, this is a challenge then, to turn from fear and contempt to compassion. 

Hopefully we get to choose what and who we respect as we get older, and I respect those who can hold others in compassion, not in fear. There is another kind of respect, also, that I hope to hold others in; this is in respect of their fear. This is more challenging to me,as I tend to get stuck onto or into others’ fear. I think this is where I am tempted to contempt. In my fear, I want to fight fear with fear. Instead I need to allow other’s to have their fear, and not enter into it. I need to respect their fear. 

In respecting other people’s fear, this means I allow them space around their fear, not judging them for their fear, as I tend to do. Fear manifests itself in so many ways, it can be tricky to track, but eventually it shows itself in making walls, creating ways in which we cannot connect, for fear of connection is so underlying most people’s fear. If we allow ourselves to be connected, we become vulnerable, which for many, instead of inviting closeness, is terrifying. 

A long, long time ago in the liner notes of a record album (LP); I found this quote and it has stuck in my head, “Across my heart I put a sign there is no thoroughfare, but love came laughing by and said, I enter everywhere.”  This comforts me, that there is no barrier to love, really. Not even fear. As the singing bowl sound enters into my body, let it reverberate away all fear, leaving more room for love.