coming down and the river of gratitude

today I have a whole day of no work

just play

whatever that means anymore

as my writing has become work

as my work becomes play sometimes

as my self becomes my work

as my worth has become tangled up in

measurement of cash and education

that translates into letters after my name

and the addiction to praise to being smart

enough

and I let the layers fall away

it is a bit painful

to feel

but underneath

is the soft fleshy part

that is real

and I am grateful

for the pain

for the beauty

for the intensity

with which I am allowed to live my life

flowing like a river

teeming with life

forms too many to count

so I feel my pain

feel my bliss

look upon my children

my grandchildren

my friends

my family

try to count the stars

in gratitude

for every single breath

give up counting

and just rest in

blessings